Freedom From Beauty
When you feel good, you automatically look good. But it doesn't necessarily work the other way around. Here are my tips on how to break free from the rat race called beauty and feel liberated to be unapologetically You, no matter how that looks.
"Beauty begins the moment you decide to be yourself." - Coco Chanel
Redefining Beauty; A Journey To Freedom
First of all, it's completely natural to want to be beautiful. We all admire beautiful things: flowers, art, jewelry, furniture. The problem begins when we start to believe that beauty looks a specific way. The real journey to beauty is about being beautiful.
Growing up, all I ever wanted was to be beautiful. But it became problematic when I started to form rigid ideas about what beauty should look like. That word "should" is often the root of the issue. It's a condition imposed from the outside rather than something that comes inherently from ourselves.
I remember running into an old classmate when I was about 25. We hadn't seen each other in years, and she exclaimed in Dutch, "Wat ben je mooi geworden!" ("Wow, you've become so beautiful!"). I wasn't sure whether to feel insulted or flattered, but I chose the latter since I'd never considered myself particularly pretty.
When Beauty Became A Condition
My personal "beauty rat race" began when my mother cut my long hair extremely short. I loved my long hair, and so did everyone else. Losing it felt like losing an important part of myself.
Suddenly, I looked and felt like a tomboy—something I've come to embrace as an adult but found traumatizing at the time. People frequently commented, "What a shame! Your hair was so beautiful!" It made me feel as though my beauty had disappeared together with my long manes.
On top of that, my mother's limited income meant I couldn't wear trendy clothes, and because of her straight hair she had no idea how to care for my curly locks. These things seemed significant at the time and we can all relate to that. But the actual truth is, it was never about those things. How we look, what brands we wear or how long our hair is ...
Understanding where my insecurities started has helped me to let go of them. That's when I realized where my pursuit of validation through beauty had started.
Obviously it's not about being "ugly on purpose" either—both "ugly" and "beautiful" are human judgments. Creation loves all its creations equally, just as a mother loves all her children.
As my new mentor says: "Your freedom lies on the other side of your personal judgment"
Becoming the Person Who Feels Beautiful
You're probably wondering, "How do I get there?" And the answer is simple yet profound:
You must become the person to whom this freedom comes naturally.
This isn't about willpower; it's about transformation and here's how to start:
Decide: Make a clear decision to stop being the person who believes they're not beautiful.
Get Familiar with the Old You: Notice when you slip into old patterns of thinking or behavior. Refrain and consciously make a different choice.
Define and Practice the New You: Visualize and embody the version of yourself who feels free, radiant, and naturally beautiful. Practice this new state until it becomes your default.
As Tim Storey says in Traits of the Greats, the greatest achievers in any field share three key qualities:
Desire: You have to want it.
Discipline: You have to commit to it.
Determination: You have to stick with it.
Listen to the accompanying video on Youtube
Find Your Freedom from Beauty
True freedom from beauty is about releasing the belief that you are not beautiful.
If you're ready to embody this transformation, my 12-Week Body Beautiful Program offers personalized coaching and weekly assignments to guide you on this journey.
Learn more about the Body Beautiful Program here.
Transform Your Energy, Reveal Your Beauty
With love,
Victoria-Monique