Love, Hurt, Freedom and Food

An Unexpected Love Affair

I just had one of the most lovely weeks of my life. Exaggeration much? I understand it sounds like it. It actually truly. After meeting on Tinder, which is an app I don't speak to highly of in general we had two dates. I had brushed off this guy as not mine because I thought he would be like my two last exes - big mistake, but then again everything happens for a reason.
After him distancing himself from me, and me feeling energetically more and more drawn to him I knew I had to tell him what was going on within me.

It was a moment of embarrassing truth telling that I might share as a story in a YouTube video, and who knows he might be in for being questioned about it, but for now you'll have to do with this short hand. I confessed, I cried, I was embarrassed about all of the tricks my Princess Self wanted to play but I took the ground away from underneath her by owning up to it.

And then the unexpected happened. We spend almost every day together since the moment of sharing my truth, which was only a week but you know how time expands or contracts depending on what it is you're doing and with home. 

The Almost Food Trap

This man is one of the most loving and generous beings I have met to date. He offered to drive me to the airport, picked me up yesterday while sick to spend the night at his. And now, now I'm left with a heart and a body that's full, loved up and scared. Scared if I will ever have this again with him, scared if there's even such thing as this possible with someone else, scared if ….en

My usual strategy has always been to eat or to drink something sweet, something soothing, something that would hit my cells with external dopamine.

However. Since I've decided to quit sugar exactly 20 days ago today there is an ability to pause between the stimulus - the fear and the angst - and the response: Go eat something delicious, you deserve it. You haven't had it in such a long time. Just this time won't hurt, you can always start again tomorrow and you will etc. etc.

Instead of giving in, because I have to be honest I have been standing in front of Better Burger in the hall that leads to all gates looking at the menu and wondering if I would top the fries with cheese and other extras I decided to sit with it instead.

The Moment of Truth

I decided to feel what I was trying to do and to sense into what this moment and my body mind and spirit was actually calling for and this is what came out of my fingers:

Magnetism doesn't come from holding it all together. It comes from allowing it all to rise. When I stop covering up my emotions, when I let them come up and allow them to move out instead of trying to pressing them down and having a blanket of food on top of them I'm fortifying the truth of who I really am.

It's like when you have a two lines with a blank space in between. This space can be colored in and will be depending on what I decide to do next.

Sitting with it and allowing it to go up and out will color in the same color as the lines. OR I can choose to eat something which allows for that original color to be diluted and mixed and there will be a difference between the lines and the filling.

Each emotion that's allowed to move through me refines and strengthens my authentic energy. It paints my essence more vividly, it fills the outlines of my being that would otherwise remain pale or get washed out by what's not me.

This is what makes me magnetic and I can draw into my life what really belongs there. My frequency becomes truly me. An it can magnetize what truly belongs in my life. I'm sending out a radio signal and I will and instead of picking up static or bullshit FM I will pick up awesome and what belongs with me fm.

So the moral of my story is, if something arises let it. FEEL IT. Breathe it up and out, let your true color deepen. It's a waste of your beautiful life to cover it up and repeat to create more of that which is not you and feeling stuck in this loop of nonsense.

And what's even better, You will not only feel better you will also Look better.

In Closing - 

I will end with two beautiful quotes on love: It is better to have love and lost than not to have loved at all 

W.e suffer not from the love we didn't receive, but from the love we didn't give.

A Fit Mind, Creates a Beautiful Body and an Epic Life

With Much love,

Victoria-Monique